FMA Fairytales of Weirdness
by Fear the Silly People
Summary: Fracturing Fairytales with the FMA characters! :D  Rated for violence and a few suggestives.


**YIPPY! :D i wuv dis story! It's so flippin' funny! ^.^**

**Disclaimer: People, I own NOTHING! Except for myself, and the living room, I own that, too. The Co-author belongs to herself!**

**FMA Fairytales of WEIRDNESS**

**1st Story and its Intro: Little Roy Riding Hood**

One rainy night in a random house on an even randomer street. The Fma crew, the author (ME!), the co-author, and a trunk full of extremly random costumes were in the living room.

"OK, now that we're all here, we can begin." The author said cheerfully.

"On what?" Ed asked, one eyebrow raised.

"The FMA Fairytales of WEIRDNESS of course! Now, who would like to be the first victim?" She looked around hopefully, but the room was full of sustained silence. A small, tentative hand from the back slowly rose up above the others.

"Yes?" The author pointed at the hand (it belonged to Roy).

"Uh-" The Flame alchemist began.

"Wait a minute! Wait a minute!" Envy interupted. "Why should WE listen to YOU?"

"Because..." The author smiled evily, gesturing toward the locked-and-secure door to the other room. "There are hordes of rabid fangirls behind the door, and they've been trying to get in..."

"So?"

"If you don't listen to me, I'll unlock the door... and unleash the FANGIRLS!" She cackled. Everyone stared, horrified, they ALL knew about Fangirls.

"So, now let's begin!" The co-author said, pulling the trunk open and throwing the many costumes out of it...

**Little Roy Riding Hood**

Once upon a time, in a small house lived Roy Mustang and his- uh, Lietenant, Havoc. Now, Roy was not often called "Roy", he was normally called Little Roy Riding Hood because of his red hood with flames on it. One day, Havoc gave Roy a basket of goodies (aka: not-poisened chocolate).

"Roy, please be a good boy and take these to Grandpa Armstrong." Havoc said.

"But I don't want to!" Roy whined. But Havoc shoved the bag into Roy's arms and pushed him out the door and into the mud.

"Darn! I ruined my military suit- uh I mean, my new dress!" He said. And so with that, Roy skipped off down the path.

So, Roy was skipping, when suddenly, he heard a voice:

"Yo, Roy!" It said. Roy turned around and saw...

Maes Hughes, in a wolf costume, with pictures of his daughter (she's actually kinda cute, ya'know?).

"Do you want to see pictures of my daughter?" He squealed. At this, Roy screamed like a little girl, and sprinted, all the way to Grandpa Armstrong's house. Unfortunatly, Hughes knew a shortcut and beat him to it.

When Hughes arrived, he knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" A booming voice from inside questioned.

"It's Roy Mustang!" Hughes sang in his best impersonation of Roy's voice.

"Well then come on in- oh wait a minute! How do I know you're not Maes Hughes?" The voice answered, skeptically.

"'Cuz I'm not."

"Fine! Come in!" With that, Hughes let himself in, grabbed Grandpa Armstrong, tied the big grandpa with steel chains, and chucked him out the window.

Hours later, when Roy came panting up the Grandpa Armstrong's driveway (by then, Hughes had found a disguise in Armstrong's closet that was many sizes too big). He forced the door open and shouted:

"Grandpa! I'm herrrreeee!" He called. There was no answer... Until-

"Oh yes, come in!" Sang a voice that sounded nothing LIKE Armstrong. But of course, since the story had to continue, Roy wandered upstairs, and into the bedroom to see...

Maes Hughes, in a wolf costume, wearing an Armstrong mask on his face, and a grandma-style dress. But being in one of his "stupid" phases, Roy said:

"Grandpa! I got some goodies for you!" Roy shouted, happy to get rid of the basket.

"Really? That's great!" Said "Grandpa Armstrong."

"My, Gramps, you've gotten smaller." Observed Roy.

"Uh, yeah. Don't you like it?" "Armstrong" asked.

"Yeah, but you're wearing a shirt!"

"I've decided that I am now against stripping."

"Oh Oka- NOW WAIT A MINUTE! Grandpa Armstrong would NEVER give up stripping! There's NO way that you could be Grandpa Armstrong! YOU'RE ENVY, AREN'T YOU!"

"Uhh... No. It's Maes Hughes, actually." replied the imposter, pulling off the dress with some difficulty.

"Oh. That was gonna be my 2nd guess, but OK. WAIT! WHAT?" Roy exploded. And of course, Hughes removed the dress and the mask.

"Hahahaha! You cannot escape the PICTURES!" He laughed, showing Roy picture after picture of Elisia, while the Coloniel screamed in terror...

Meanwhile, the famous hunter, Riza Hawkeye had been tracking the wolf- I mean, the man-in-a-wolf-costume. When she came across the REAL Grandpa Armstrong, tied up in steel chains.

"Help me!" The big man pleaded with the hunter. But she chose to ignore him, and entered the house by means of the broken window. When Riza entered the house, the first thing that caught her attention was Roy, tied to a chair, with Hughes showing Roy picture after picture of his daughter.

"HELP ME!" The Flame Alchemist screamed.

"Nope. I'm just here for the wolf." She anwered, casually cocking her gun at Hughes.

"Wait a minute! Isn't it ENVY who kills Hughes?" The co-author interupted.

"MEGAN! Don't ruin the manga!" The author snapped.

"Sorry! But Riza has a gun, it makes sense!" She added, seeing her friend's hurt look.

"Can we move on now?" Roy demanded.

"FINE!" The author exploded.

~Back to the story!~

At this, Hughes wimpered and gave Riza the puppy eyes, clearly unfazed, Riza shot him. Roy screamed even louder, causing the windows to break.

"What was that for?" Roy demanded, starting to weep.

"Uhh... He was threatening you, wasn't he?" Riza questioned.

"Oh, yeah." For the sake of things, Riza decided to shoot Roy for good measure *BANG* Roy died, and Riza lived happily ever after. (A week later, Grandpa Armstrong died of food poisening, remember the chocolate?)

~Reality~

"Dude! THAT WAS CRAP!" Roy shouted in rage.

"Belive me, I know!" The author said. "Did you say that only because I had you get shot?"

"Maybe..."

"(Sigh) Now then: whose next?" No reply.

"Alright, here are the straws, whoever gets the shortest one is the next victum." Before she could finish her sentence, all the straws were gone...  
Envy's was the shortest.

**Coming Soon: Envy and the Beanstalk**

**GAWD! THAT WAS PURE CRAP! Sorry for the bad start, guys. I was bored and I wanted to get something out, so R&R... Or we'll send Riza with a machine gun after you!**


End file.
